Seven nation army.

Thanks for making me happy :).
(It might not seem like a lot, but trust me, it is.)

Chained.

Something's wrong with me. Definitely. There's gotta be something, or else .. Or else what? Or else, I don't know. I don't get it. I don't get .. me. Or you, to be honest now. All of these, they popped up too quickly. You, particularly, showed up too quickly. Out of nowhere, I could say. Or you didn't , and I'm just loosing my mind in here.

They're too many feelings in me. How can I feel so much in such little time? My mood changes from one second to another. I'm happy now, then, all of the sudden, I'm sad, or pissed off, or sick. Something's wrong with me. No doubt bout that part, at least.

The thing is, I'm scared. How couldn't I be? Of what? I don't even know. I don't want to know. I try not to give a name to my fears, they become real then. So do the feelings. They become real and in the same time, they become part of my fears. God, it's all so confusing.. I don't know why I feel this way, or what I feel exactly, but I know it's ripping my head off and putting it back to its place over and over again.

I can't get you out of my head. But you're pissing me off ! I don't get you. I'm running out of ideas. I'm even running out of imaginary scenarios. Haha, who'd thought that'd happen?! Maybe you're just taking the piss. I wouldn't be surprised. And still.. I don't get you. But, in the same time, I can't let you slip away either.

Jesus, what am I doooing?! God, I'm a mess. The simple fact I put Jesus and God in two succesive sentences makes it clear . I don't even fucking believe in that. Yeah, it's clear this time. I really am a mess. I can't think, act, say, speak, hear or do anything right. And I'm suppose to do stuff like studying now. As if that's so easy.

Something's wrong with me. Definitely. Fuck.. I don't get you.

"Your lips are like wine, and I want to get drunk."

When you know you only have a chance and one chance only, you act differently, right? I mean.. You do whatever the fuck you want. For once in your life, you don't care what others may think. But fuck.. The thing is you don't always know you only have a chance. . Not tonight anyway. So you don't do whatever you want. You keep your well known status quo. You don't kiss him as much as you'd want to. You don't laugh too much. You don't say too much. You don't do anything.. too much. You don't sing. You don't dance. You only say a few silly things.

And damn, you really wanted to kiss him. To have him close. To cuddle. Cause damn, he was unbelievable. Unreal. From the start till the end. And you, like the idiot you are, you acted as always. You did nothing.

And it hurts. Cause now.. Now you think it's your fault. And maybe.. probably.. definitely.. it is. And guess who's all alone. Again.

So, all in all, how could you not be lame and boring and all ( I don't even know if I'm saying this in the right way ) , when you lose everybody just like you lost him? I guess you're just meant to be sad and creepily alone. Everybody has a purpose. So maybe this is yours.

Parts of myself.

You can't really trust anyone. Not completely , anyway. I mean.. yeah, you can sure try to, but there comes a time when you simply can't do it anymore. There comes a secret you can't tell, a moment you want to keep it to yourself..

You can't really trust anyone. I've tried .. Here I am, standing in front of her, in front of my best friend, since we were in 7th grade, looking at her and not being able to say a word. Needing two beers and one more to say a tiny little part of what happened. And then, happening something else, living completely new emotions and still, not being capable to talk to her.

You can't really trust anyone. You can't give your soul, every part of it, to anyone. No one can really, really understand you. How could they, after all? There is no one who can be on exactly the same page with you. All you can do is tell her some things, him another things and so on. But even if you want to, there will still be a little part of yourself which you will, unconsciously, keep for yourself.

I think.. I think by sharing these little things, their value might decrease. After all, they are important only for you. And besides, no one actually cares..