Numb.

"There are songs that make us want to dance; Songs that make us want to sing along. But the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them. And once again, break your heart."

Set fire to the third bar.

I know things are not suppose to stay the same forever, it's normal this way. But still.. why do you make it so hard for us to have a proper conversation? It's been a month, not a year. You shouldn't be so cold all of a sudden, should you? Or that's just me, still thinking like a child, still living in my own little world.

I shouldn't have to write these things down, on an old forgotten blog, I should be able to tell them directly to you. I was..till now. That's why it's been a while since I've posted anything, cause for once in my life I didn't feel like hiding my feelings, my thoughts or any part of myself. Not when I was with you. I always thought I'll write when I'm happy too, but how could I? Smiling all day like an idiot was more than enough.

But now.. I'm back in that depressive style. Am I still being childish? Or am I right to feel worried? I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm just being stupid and paranoia is messing with my head or this is going to be over soon.

One thing I do know for sure. The ache I felt in my chest the first time I thought about the premature end of all this was fucking real. It's pretty hard to explain it, but for a second it felt like I couldn't breathe :). Hence, it's pointless to say I don't want to be over. Not now. Not soon. I felt alive. I don't want to go back at being dead.

Seven nation army.

Thanks for making me happy :).
(It might not seem like a lot, but trust me, it is.)

Chained.

Something's wrong with me. Definitely. There's gotta be something, or else .. Or else what? Or else, I don't know. I don't get it. I don't get .. me. Or you, to be honest now. All of these, they popped up too quickly. You, particularly, showed up too quickly. Out of nowhere, I could say. Or you didn't , and I'm just loosing my mind in here.

They're too many feelings in me. How can I feel so much in such little time? My mood changes from one second to another. I'm happy now, then, all of the sudden, I'm sad, or pissed off, or sick. Something's wrong with me. No doubt bout that part, at least.

The thing is, I'm scared. How couldn't I be? Of what? I don't even know. I don't want to know. I try not to give a name to my fears, they become real then. So do the feelings. They become real and in the same time, they become part of my fears. God, it's all so confusing.. I don't know why I feel this way, or what I feel exactly, but I know it's ripping my head off and putting it back to its place over and over again.

I can't get you out of my head. But you're pissing me off ! I don't get you. I'm running out of ideas. I'm even running out of imaginary scenarios. Haha, who'd thought that'd happen?! Maybe you're just taking the piss. I wouldn't be surprised. And still.. I don't get you. But, in the same time, I can't let you slip away either.

Jesus, what am I doooing?! God, I'm a mess. The simple fact I put Jesus and God in two succesive sentences makes it clear . I don't even fucking believe in that. Yeah, it's clear this time. I really am a mess. I can't think, act, say, speak, hear or do anything right. And I'm suppose to do stuff like studying now. As if that's so easy.

Something's wrong with me. Definitely. Fuck.. I don't get you.